


Grumpiness and Little Kisses

by ohHOLYmoves



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2019-09-22
Packaged: 2020-10-25 20:10:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20730071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohHOLYmoves/pseuds/ohHOLYmoves
Summary: “That’s not true. Take it back!”Beau makes a little amused sound against the back of her teeth, affection seeping into the soothing pool of her eyes, “Jess.”“I said take it back! You’re worth so much more than just,” Jester flails her hand in a broad arc of Beau’s whole frame, “You’re smart and funny and I like how you do a little bit of something for everyone in the group whether they notice or not ‘cause you’re so, so sweet. And you’re my favorite so take it back!”or, Jester is grumpy about the fact that Beau doesn't take better care of herself and is also helplessly in love.





	Grumpiness and Little Kisses

Beau had suggested drinks to celebrate and, though Jester had made some sound in agreement, she wasn’t sure what they were celebrating. The last thing they had decided on was a (seemingly) simple quest off a local news board and had set off on it in hurry because they needed the coin. When don’t they need the coin? True to the original explanation on the posting, they had indeed found a pair of siblings lost in the mountainous terrain, taken by their own sense of wonder and lost to it too. They had been easy to coax along so long as they offered food and water and spoke in soothing, soft tones. Jester even got the littlest one to laugh at an inane prank she pulled along the way on an unsuspecting but always kindly delighted Deuces. The trouble came when they were nearing the village, towards the outer edge of it, in the form of an attack from a local band of miscreants and their hounds. This was the second task they undertook with the intensions to deal with it  _ after  _ the children but they were not left with an option but to fight. Granted, they were years ahead of their former selves and certainly stronger for it but even with all their newfound abilities this fight pressed them to the very edge of  their  limits. As it turned out, they were shrouded zealots whose only real desire was to cause chaos (the bad kind, not the fun Traveler kind) and strife in the name of some fuck-off Jester didn’t bother to remember the name of. They had mages—strong ones, ones on Caleb’s level or better—and grave eyed, sneering clerics who kept their snarling rage fueled warriors from falling under their attacks. The fight went on longer than it should have and they suffered for it. Not just because they were evenly to nearly outmatched in terms of skill but because they had two little ones to keep from harm in the process and having focus torn in two makes for mistakes in a fight. Jester herself was caught by  a hand a round her throat when trying to run the children past a behemoth of a man and thrown onto the rocks hard enough that the wind left her. Then the heel he brought down on her most assuredly broke one or two of her fragile ribs. Caleb had been instrumental with his ability to counter enemy spells up until a flail had been applied, with a savagery, to the side of his head. It was Beau who took the worst of the damage—as it always has been—when she vaulted over an unconscious cleric to find Jester sprawled on the ground, using her body to shield the smallest boy from that same behemoth she couldn’t seem to get past. There had been a shout Jester thinks might have been her name and they had shared a brief look wherein Jester watched starbursts of fury blossom within the piercing blue of Beau’s eyes. Fury born of her loyalty, of her protectiveness, of her singula r focus to keep the people she loves from any and all harm.  Then there was a flurry of blue and dusky skin and the cracking of fists against thick muscle as Beau was there, so quick, and pushing him back with the sheer force of her own strength . It worked, for a moment, leaving Jester time to drag herself and the boy away but it left Beau alone and vulnerable and that’s where it fell through. The next fist Beau threw was caught in his meaty hand and Jester held her breath when she watched him twist and pull Beau’s arm over his knee. The crack rippled through her before Beau’s awful choked scream that was silenced when he gripped her hair and smashed his head into hers. Beau had crumpled into the grass like sheet being dropped, folding over itself into a heap. Things after that got blurry for Jester and, still, she wasn’t sure how they turned the tides and beat the Zealots back. There was only Beau, breathing but unconscious, and bleeding profusely from the split running through her brow and her mangled arm so broken she could see the bones forming tents against the skin. They got through it and got everyone back on their feet again, between Jester and Deuces, to stagger back into the village with not one but two of their outstanding  contracts completed. Beau had, after returning the children, suggested they get drinks to celebrate their victory and the new heft of their purses. 

Jester was grumpy about it. Jester was grumpy about all of it. It felt like a persistent tickle against her skin that grated rather than amused, digging in like little hooks that left sour feelings to saturate her usual good nature. She was huddled between a cheery but still bruised Beau and a boisterous Fjord  lifting  his cup with a cheer of the Nein. She knows she should share the joy for having scraped by yet again but this time she wasn’t happy. She was tired of scraping by. She was tired of watching her friends fall like flies and, most of all, she was so very tired of Beau being the first one to offer flesh and bone for their sake. If she had to bring Beau back from the brink of death one more time she was going to scream and never stop. In the beginning it had been endearing to watch Beau’s love bloom for them in the form of her steadfast loyalty that was portrayed in many ways but most prominent in this one. Then, it had become a warmness that reached into the hollowness of Jester’s bones and filled her up, leaving her flush from it and smiling silly after the fight was won. Now, she can’t stand it. It feels like a mirror is held up between them so that each of Beau’s pains are Jester’s too. There is an underlying fear that one day—maybe soon—Jester won’t be there to bring Beau back or get there in time. Now, she sat stewing because Beau had rushed in to be the save  _ her.  _ What if she had died for  _ Jester _ ? The thought streaks through her and she haunches further in, fingers going tight around her cup of milk. The Nein talk amongst themselves, laughter musical and precious as it drifts around her in that familiar way that has become home but she can’t enjoy it. Caleb’s hair is crusty from the blood still turning patches of his hair a darker, uglier red and all it does it make Jester’s belly squirm. Later, she's going to message her Mama and absolutely unload. Morning, actually, because she's completely exhausted and probably couldn’t produce so much as a spark. But, first thing for sure! 

“Hey, you cool?” Jester starts at the closeness of Beau’s lowered voice, feeling the breath brush her ear. A long finger caresses the rise of Jester’s knuckles and Jester can only see the stains of blood left behind. 

Jester dredges up a false happiness she keeps pushed down inside her and turns it onto her partner, tilting her head cutely as does and feeling her eyes crinkle sweetly with her tense smile, “Of course, Beau! I’m always cool.” 

Beau snorts and slings an arm around the back of Jester’s chair, speaking lowly into her cup with her eyes forward so the others can't hear or see their tenseness, “Bullshit.” 

“Is not,” Jester grumps. 

“Is so,” Beau presses her fingers between Jester’s slumped shoulders, “you're drooping like one of Deuce’s flowers that time he asked me to water them and I forgot. You upset?” 

“No.” She lies and wiggles to shake Beau’s touch away because it's nice and distracting her from her annoyance. 

“You’re mad. I can tell.” 

“No you can’t.” 

Beau smirks and Jester likes the way it makes her eyes sparkle,  “I can always tell.” 

Jester narrows her eyes at Beau because, yes, they are much closer now than they use to be. When they first met Beau was a frowning ball of anger and Jester was brimming with false cheer and a deep ache for a family lost to her in different ways. Then they became something  _ special, the Nein, _ and there was a magnetism to Beau that she didn’t parse out the meaning behind for many, many months. Now, they both know what it is but they haven’t confronted it or felt it out and it gave Beau so much of Jester that Jester hadn’t meant to give. Yesterday, it felt, she could fool just about anyone into believing the mask she wore was the truth. Now she couldn’t lie to Beau for anything, even when she tried. 

Her lips turn down in a tight purse and she nods, the bells hanging from her horns chiming lightly, “Fine. I'm upset. With you.” 

The smirk on Beau’s face melts and she jerks up in her chair, the ale in her cup sloshing over onto her trousers, “Wha--shit.” 

Nott snickers at Beau as she pats at her stained vestiges and, during the commotion, Jester excuses herself with pleasant smiles and jovial words that spill so easy from her lips. They wave her off with their usual fanfare that is a mix of sweetness and teasing and she takes it with her as she climbs the stairs to the safe place of her room in the inn. She just needs time to decompress, that’s all. It’s been a lot for a long time with all the raising of unholy, unkillable forces of disaster and (barely) thwarting them before they can ravage their entire known world. And also, Jester had only  _ just  _ come to terms with the very deep and very real love she has for her friend and the uncertainty about what to do with that! After a good night of sleep, she will be better than before. Sighing, she unclips her cloak and lets it fall without care, stepping away from it to a half full basin of water under the window. She takes some time to pick at the blood crusted under her nails and scrub up to her elbows until it starts to sting a little. About the time she is kicking her boots off and working on her corset, Beau pushes the door to their room open. Jester sniffs and lifts her chin a little in defiance, forcing herself to keep her eyes away. If Beau wants to know she's upset then Jester will just show her  _ how much _ . There is a sigh. Jester casts her corset away, breathing a little easier with its tightness  is  removed, and goes about stripping away her layers to exchange for a nightgown. 

“Can we talk?” 

Jester snaps her hair over a shoulder, sliding soft silk over the curves of her body all the while avoiding Beau’s gaze that she can feel like a weight against the back of her head, “’Bout what?”

“C’mon Jess, don’t be like that.” 

“I can be however I want.” 

Beau snorts and Jester hears the creak of the bed nearest to her, “That’s fair but c’mon, we both know I don’t have a clue what I did wrong. You  gotta tell me.” 

The grumpiness comes back, crawling over her skin like the prickle of thousands of dry blades of grass, itching and annoying. She turns  to a casual Beau sprawled across her bed, leaning on an elbow with her leg bent. She looks pretty even with the  bloom of dark bruising around her eye socket and up into her hairline and the crust of dried blood. The crooked little smirk of hers is awfully adorable and Jester huffs, annoyed at herself for the heart on her sleeve and how easily it gives in. 

“You do know I'm not—I can’t do everything Beau!” It bursts out of her like a bird been caged and every syllable is drenched in her mounting frustrations and the stewing of repressed feelings. For the second time that night, Beau is caught off guard by her and her surprise shows. 

“What?” She sits up quickly, “Jess, I never said you did! I  _ know  _ you can’t. I’d never expect that of you.”

Jester flings her hand in Beau’s direction, “But you always put yourself in the most danger! You--I know you’re  _ really  _ cool with all your monk shit, Beau, we all do. But you have limits and—you aren’t like  Yasha , Beau! You can’t just soak up damage and walk away the same. When you get hurt, you get  _ really  _ hurt and you don’t even think about what it does to me!” She swallows against a sudden lump of hot and unyielding emotion that clogs up her throat, “I mean, us! All of us. We love you and you just—you throw it away!” 

Beau rises in one smooth, swift motion that makes Jester’s head swim and  she has to  grind her teeth, to steady her own s elf . Beau approaches her with hands out like she’s a wild thing. “I’m not ‘ _ throwing it away’  _ Jess, that’s just—I don’t know how to show I care other than through stuff like that. All I’ve got is me.” And then she shrugs, like she’s saying ‘ _ I know it’s not a lot’  _ and it makes Jester stiffen. Her tail lashes behind her and she pokes Beau in the chest, hard. 

“That’s  _ not  _ true. Take it back!” 

Beau makes a little amused sound against the back of her teeth, affection seeping into the soothing pool of her eyes, “Jess.” 

“I said take it back! You’re worth so much more than just,” Jester flails her hand in a broad arc of Beau’s whole frame, “You’re smart and funny and I like how you do a little bit of something for everyone in the group whether they notice or not  ‘cause you’re so, so sweet. And you’re my favorite so take it back!” 

If anything, Beau only grows more amused, her split brow flinching from  the delight that takes her face , “I’m your favorite? Out of the whole Nein, even Nott?” 

“You’re my favorite out of every one ever! You’re,” Jester’s breath stutters in her chest, mind snagging on the single thought that  _ yes, Beau means more to her than anyone  _ _ ever  _ _ has in this special way _ , “You’re everything,” and her shoulders sag from the weight of it all, the grumpiness floating away in the tide of her whole heart bleeding every single thing she feels at once, “Please, Beau, I just want you to be okay. If I’m not there to save you or you die because of  _ me _ ...I don’t know what will happen to me. It will hurt more than anything.” 

Beau blinks against the waves of Jester’s outpouring, seemingly stupefied, and by the time she has found words within herself Jester decides she can’t handle whatever will come out. She’s already weak and if Beau says anything even remotely sweet, she’ll crumble. So, Jester stumbles into her and latches on, arms wrapping around her trim hips and presses her nose against the hollow of her throat.  Tentatively , in that awkward way of Beau’s, she raises her arms and drapes them heavily over Jester’s shoulders. 

“’m sorry Jess.” 

“Good,” A pause, Jester’s eyes slipping shut as she revels in being held by Beau like this for the first time, “And you’ll do better from now on.” 

“No promises.” 

Jester grow ls , feel s it vibrate up through her teeth, and Beau hums a soft sound of mirth, swaying them ever so slightly. 

“Look, I don’t  _ just  _ do it because it’s how I show I care. I do it because I want to Jess. I want to be the thing between you and what’s coming. Caleb and—well, not Fjord so much anymore, but before, they were our soft ones. We’ve got to cover our soft spots with the stronger ones and I’m that person. I mean, fuck, what was the point of all my training if not for this?” 

Jester’s curls her fingers in, bunching up Beau’s thick coat in her fists, and presses further into Beau’s warmth, “You’re such an ass.” 

“ Sometimes. Don’t tell your mom. ” 

Jester sniffs haughtily, “S he already knows. S he’s thinks you’re bad for me.” It’s a lie, they both know it’s a lie. Marion adores Beau if not just for the fact that Beau is the closest one to rival Marion’s fierce love and protection of Jester. 

And Beau bursts, bright and beautiful, with an overflow of laughter that sinks into Jester like the first touches of morning sun. The tension—wax against this warmth—melts from her, dripping to her feet and leaving her heavy limbed. She leans into Beau, nose tipping up slowly to drag across Beau’s soft skin until it bumps a ridged scar on the dip of her neck where it meets shoulder. The laugh stutters and halts, turning into a shaky breath instead. Jester’s breath grows ragged too because she’s spent years fantasying and filling  up  with a deep yearning to drown someone in an abundance of love and affection . She didn’t always have a face for this person but she has always loved them, so very deeply, and it feels beyond good to finally dull out a splinter of it. 

“Beau?” She presses the softest of kisses against the side of Beau’s neck, stomach fluttering with nerves and excitement, soul singing with joy for finally, finally having her someone. 

“Yeah, Jess?” The usual timber of Beau’s voice is a bit higher and choppy. 

“I like you.” 

“Couldn’t have guessed.” 

Jester rattles with a happy laugh, even as her eyes roll, “You’re a butt.” 

“Well, you’re really taking me through it. Went from mad to kissing me in no time at all. I need a drink after all this.” 

A  wave of heat washes up the back of Jester’s neck hearing Beau talk about Jester kissing her because it’s what she wants so very badly. She wants to love Beau so much. There is a depthless well inside Jester’s soul that is simply full of her affection that Beau will soon find herself drinking of. She has no idea what she’s in for. Jester drags her nose back across Beau’s neck to kiss the hollow of her throat, sweet and quick. 

“I haven’t kissed you.” 

“Not how I've counted it.” Beau’s head starts to loll back but Jester catches her by the chin, waiting for Beau's eyes to flutter open so they can meet gazes. She licks her lips. 

“Doesn’t count if it’s not on the lips.” 

“I’m absolutely sure that’s not how that works at all.” 

Jester beams, teeth sharp and eyes glinting with mischief and Beau seems to gravitate towards it. Their noses brush. 

“Just so we’re clear, you’re not still angry with me?” 

“Maybe a little.” 

“But you still wanna kiss?” 

“If we don’t, I’ll for sure be mad again.” 

Beau’s presses a lingering kiss against the corner of  J ester’s mouth and then, pulls way, to do it again at the other. 

“Um, just so we’re clear,” Jester breaths the words out, arching into Beau, “I  wanna kiss, like, a whole bunch. Right now, but like always.” 

“Oh, dude, me too.” 

“Okay good.  So, after this, lets kiss all the time.” 

“That’s the weirdest way of asking someone to commit to you but,” Beau shrugs and slides her hands to the small of Jester’s back so she can pull their hips flush, “I’m into it.” And then she presses their mouths together and i t’s like Jester’s world was in fractured pieces before and only click together once Beau kisses her. She hums, overflowing with a joy she can’t pin down, and slides her fingers through the fuzz of Beau’s hair, tickling behind her ears and pressing in to hold her close and tight. 

She’s  gonna send her Mama  _ so many _ messages in the morning.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments and kudos are always appreciated.


End file.
